god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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