Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
