The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
