4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
