my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
