who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
