His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
