There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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