Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
