Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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