Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
