Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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