I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
