I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
