my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am one with the molecules
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize