I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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