I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
