We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
