Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
