You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize