so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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