it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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