the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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