I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
