Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
