I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
