I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
