i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
