How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
