After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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