My liver just broke up with me...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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