If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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