the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
