Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize