sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
