I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize