his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
