It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
