dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
