She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize