i jhust puked up my retainher.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sarcasm needs its own font
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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