oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're like the curious george of whores
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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