Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
