Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
