I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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