This dress was meant to end up on your floor
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
