id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
