My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
