girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your penis caused this!
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