i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
