when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge