dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
