hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
