I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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