Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Someone shit on the floor
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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