You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
