I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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