Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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