WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
