that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't deserve a penis
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
