things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need water and some morals
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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