ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
