I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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