I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
time to smoke my breakfast
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
