I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
