you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
