Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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