Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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