Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
