my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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