Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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