Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize