so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
