Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
