see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
