I puked a lego.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
did you just send me my own nude
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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