We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
These tits shall not be calmed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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