life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
