Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
