Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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