I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize