He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
