maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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