if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
