the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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