): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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